yes, it’s true, I went to see it last night. it was very last-minute — the show started at 9:55; at 9:38 I got off the phone with ryan and shouted, “mom, I’m gonna go see the girl movie!” she asked if I was going alone, so I reminded her that no one would go with me. but…I asked my dad yet again, and he agreed to go! that not only meant I wasn’t by myself, but my ticket was paid for as well. it was good times.
afterwards I got into a mood. not exactly weepy, but — oh wait. it was exactly weepy. so I talked to ryan for another hour and a half. a while ago he said that everything in his life right now seems to be “ish”. happy-ish. interested-ish in so-and-so. my life is the opposite. everything is so intense, both good and bad, and it’s really wearing me out. I don’t notice how exhausted I am until I get into a mood, and I know the fact that the movie tried to make me cry had a lot to do with this whole thing last night, but suddenly it felt like there are a lot of issues and complications in my life that I’m completely ignoring. and maybe the fact that I ignore them is what allows me to be so gloriously deliriously content most of the time.
then again, maybe I was right in my first guess: my personality is just more suited to semi-frequent downs to keep the ups enjoyable. when everything seems pleasant and I’m in that fantastically happy stage, something in the back of my mind wonders, “isn’t this a little too happy? what terrible thing is about to go wrong and bring me crashing down to reality?” and then I hit a mood, which rarely lasts for more than an evening. two days at most. then voila, happiness again, pure and carefree at first. after a while of that I’ll get to worrying that I’m just in the calm before the storm, and then the storm will hit, and then I’ll be fine again, etc., etc. because today I’m fine again. awfully tired, but content. I think it’s the ability to get through the little mikastorms I cause for myself that reminds me, when I’m happy again, that life really is good — mikastorms included. there’s nothing I can’t get through.
ah, it’s nice to be sappy again.
at the moment, though…I don’t want to think about jarom coming home. probably because that custard-y feeling is kinda uncomfortable and weird. I should think of a better analogy next time, one that doesn’t give me such icky mental images.