no end in sight

the name of a pretty good country song by katrina elam, but more importantly, the opposite of how I feel about pscu right now.

I was at work until 5 today — which is very late, considering I got there at 6am and had a half-hour lunch. rather long day. but almost everything has been passed off to final qc…tomorrow (and I’m sorry to say that the workday will start at 5:30am tomorrow) I just have to figure out why there are extra images in one folder, and rename and recopy another thousand images. oh yeah, and make the rescan lists and loader files. but those last two things will only take half an hour, maybe an hour at most. do you know what this means? the project will be over by the end of the day! ok…not quite true. mick jr is going back on monday to finish the rest of the rescans, and those will have to be incorporated, but that’s so small in comparison to all we’ve been through till now. ah, what a relief it will be.

in the past six months or so I’ve found that I feel a lot better when I can put my thoughts and emotions into words — tie them down, as it were. example: yesterday I realized that lately I’ve been restless. that’s so much easier to fix than knowing that something is distinctly wrong, but not being able to pinpoint what or why that something is. I don’t mean that suddenly I know exactly how to stop being restless. I guess I’m saying that at this point I can step back and try being objective, detaching myself from the emotion, instead of just wallowing in the nameless feeling, helpless. (that was kind of a fun sentence to write.)

I got an email from nemelka yesterday. it was really good to hear from her. I wish sometimes that we could still be such close friends as when we were roommates, but I know her life is going where she wants it to. and it makes me so happy. I’m dreadfully excited for the baby.

and now, a confession: I’m not nearly as clever as I’ve always thought. lately I can’t seem to get anything right; I mess up at work, I forget what words mean, really basic ideas elude me until after the fact. what’s going on?

another confession: the only thing I wish for right now is something I can’t have — someone to hold me. and I don’t mean a boyfriend (or to take it a step further, fiancé, or further, husband), just a best friend. he would hold me any old time, because that’s the kind of friends we were. of course, if we were that kind of best friends then eventually we’d probably decide to get married, or break things off completely, and neither of those looms in my future. so no best friend. no being held. (very unfortunate; I’d say being held is on my list of top 8 favorite things.)

on an upbeat note again…I’m wearing my silk pjs, and about to go take a nap. it’s going to be lovely, and I plan to enjoy it thoroughly.

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